Rant of the Day

Now that the Christmas season is past, it’s time for my rant.  And dear reader, remember it’s my rant.

As a “foster-kid” and “ward of the state” growing up, I get disgusted with all of the “donate to ” and “help” a foster kid programs that are now so abundant – especially at Christmastime.  From the “foster-kid” Christmas trees in the stores to the “donate-a-duffle-bag” to the “give-a-foster-kid-a-toy” bins.  The compassionate hearts of the founders of these programs are probably in the right place.  But they are either unaware of facts or they just aren’t really thinking or viewing it as the child does.

As irritation and perturbation goes, it’s right up there on the high end of the –P of the PAD emotional scale model for me.

For one thing, depending on the age of the child (not the very young), it is like a slap in the face to the child and serves as reminders that they really don’t belong to the family and surely doesn’t make them feel loved.  A “real” family cares for their own and the toys marked “from a stranger” (not literally) wouldn’t mean as much as one from “dad and mom.”  And they are sure to find out, trust me on that.  Very rare is a gullible foster kid.

What do the foster parents spend that monthly paycheck on?  The foster kid receives free school lunches, state-paid medical care, and WIC and/or food stamps. Money spent on clothing is reimbursed (depending on the state). The foster parents I had as I was growing up provided necessities and Christmas presents for me -  on the money they received from the state or their jobs.  I’m positive that “stipend” (of around $400-$600 per month per child – average, depending on the state) is more than enough to provide toys at Christmas time.  Absolutely and indisputably they don’t get enough to cover all expenses that it takes to raise a child but…

Since the foster parents seem so eager to take help from the general public (who are already paying taxes to provide the funds for the foster parents monthly check), they probably didn’t go into foster care for the right reasons in the first place.  In my view, any foster parent who is in it for the love of children would furnish those things without expecting or taking advantage of the programs.  Or maybe the many foster parent associations actually formed them…hmmm.  Something to ponder.

Since a foster-kid rarely stays in one home for any long length of time, the idea of the duffle bag is the best I’ve heard.  Except for one thing.  It probably won’t be in their possession for any length of time.

As for the toys and clothes, every foster kid knows that the “real” family kids will probably end up with them, especially if it is highly valued – like electronics or a popular stuffed animal or toy.  It’s incredible how personal belongings disappear in a move to a new home, or more precisely in the day before or the day of a move.

As in most societal settings, hierarchy exists.  The longer a kid has been with the family (or the stronger/older ones) the higher up on the food chain with non-foster kids being at the top.  And those frequently take their “right” to go through a “new kid’s” belongings and commonly help themselves to whatever is wanted.  And since the new kid is frightened, confused and wary and generally won’t want to make a scene, it rarely is noticed by the foster parent.  It happens no matter how vigilant a foster parent is - or thinks they are.

The truth and reality of a foster-kid’s plight seems to be covered up by the smoke-screen of well-meaning - but unknowledgeable – people at Christmastime.

If you want to help a foster-kid, wake up and start seeing with the eyes of a foster-kid.

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”  ~Frederick Douglass